August

August is always bittersweet.  I'm always enjoying my summer, celebrating the lives of people I love (so many birthdays in August!), and feeling so rested.  I never want to go back to getting up at 5:30, but the new-ness of the school year excites me.  I look forward to getting my class list, and I love making new nameplates for desks.

This year, I'd like to skip over August.  It's not that I'm not looking forward to my new kids.  By the end of the year, they truly are my kids.  I am still looking forward to getting that list and making nameplates.  I'm not looking forward to not spending my days with my Micah Man.  I'm not ready. Over the last few days/weeks, I've been asked how I'm doing in terms of having to go back to work.  And I honestly responded with "I'm doing okay, right now."

I'm not doing okay anymore.  As I held my Micah Man after his bath and putting on pajamas (sweet, fresh smelling baby boy!), I realized quickly that I'm not ready.  I feel good about the care Micah will get while I'm at work.  He'll go to our church three days a week, and Aaron is mere steps away (this is absolutely not fair, but I am so thankful).  A sweet friend will be keeping him twice a week.  We are so blessed in the  knowledge that our sweet boy will be loved and cared for while we work.

But, tomorrow is my last Monday before going back to work.  So, please pray for me in this last week at home, and start counting down the days until I get a whole week off for Thanksgiving.

Bed Rest

What a whirlwind.  For a while, I had a relatively uneventful pregnancy.  I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, but it was well under control and I wasn't having problems with it.  It mostly just meant that I needed to be more mindful of what I ate, I had to take my blood sugar, and I had weekly appointments at my doctor.  April arrived, and with it, so did state testing at school.  I made it through testing, but after my students finished their last test, I was feeling off.  I saw the school nurse, and sure enough, my blood pressure was high.  For anyone that has had to administer state testing, that's not really shocking.  But, it wouldn't come down, so off to the hospital I went to be monitored.  I figured I would just be at the hospital for a few hours to run some tests, then I would go home.  I was wrong.  At just 31 weeks pregnant, I was having regular contractions (but completely not feeling them), so I got to stay the night at the hospital and was told I wasn't going back to work.  I had the joy of getting to be on bed rest at home.  I was allowed to move between the bed and the couch, and my days were filled with watching mindless TV.  It wasn't fun, but it was what was necessary for Micah to continue to grow.  I made it several weeks at home on bed rest, and things were staying steady.  Things were going so well, my doctor even let me participate in my best friend's wedding at 35 weeks pregnant!  I was hoping just to be allowed to attend the wedding and wear my bridesmaid's dress, but she even let me walk down the aisle and go to the reception!  The following week, at just under 36 weeks, my blood pressure was high, and I was the lucky enough to get to finish the rest of my pregnancy in the hospital.  It was at that point that I was told Micah would be delivered at 37 weeks.  The end was in sight!  On June 1, at 37 weeks, Aaron and I welcomed our sweet Micah into the world!  My bed rest was over!

On This Mother's Day...

I'm sitting in the glider in my sweet baby boy's room.  He's not here yet, but he will be soon.  I'm reflecting on how thankful I am that on Mother's Day next year, I'll be a Mommy and how thankful I am for my own mother.

My mom has always loved me so well, but I have felt it more in the last two and a half weeks.  I've been on bed rest (more about that later), which means all the things that I normally do, plus all the things I need to accomplish before mAc's arrival, I can no longer do.  So, my mom has done so many of those things for me.  It's all the little things - she's done the laundry numerous times, she cleaned my floors, she washed my dishes.  Those are the tedious things - the things I don't really like to do, but they keep my house running, so I do them.

Then, there are the things she's  done for mAc, the grandson she hasn't met yet, but she loves him so much already.  She's done his laundry too - and the boy has a lot of clothes!  She has helped organize, put together, and decorate.  His room feels like a nursery because she has done so much to help.  She has made so many trips to the store to buy things that are must haves before mAc arrives - like diapers!

So, Mommy, thank you.  Thank you for loving me through all 27 (almost 28!) years of my life.  Thank you for loving Aaron like he is your own - your help around our house has helped him in so many ways!  Thank you for loving mAc - you are the best, Chela!

more excited than anyone else that mAc is a boy

A Shower for Micah

My sweet friend and her mom graciously opened their home and gave a shower in honor of me and Micah.  Allison and I have been friends for 15 years, and her mom is like another mom for me.  I was so thankful to have friends celebrate Micah, and it is wonderful to know he is already so well loved.  Now, we wait for him to arrive!  Here are a few pictures from the shower.

Such wonderful touches

Sweet friends - I am so thankful for their friendship

Brenda and Allison

Micah will love his grandmothers so much!

Reveal

After waiting anxiously, the time came to find out if Baby A was a boy or a girl!

I have always been convinced that I would be a mom to boys.  My sisters will have girls, I will have boys.  I don't really have a lot of reasoning behind that thought, but I've always been the different one.

My mom has been telling me that she really hopes Baby A is a boy.  She says she has her girls, and she wants to love on a baby boy.  I have no control over this outcome, but I'll do the best I can.

We went to the doctor on Thursday, but we didn't want to find out while we were there.  We asked that the sono tech seal the pictures in not one, but two envelopes so we could find out with our families.  Aaron and I left the doctor, and promptly took our sonogram pictures to a friend to fill a paper lantern with either pink or blue confetti.

We enjoyed dinner with our families at our house, then after waiting impatiently, the time had come to find out if we were having Baby Boy A or Baby Girl A.

Just minutes away from finding out if Baby A is a boy or a girl

It's a BOY!!!!!!

 Baby A is a BOY, set to make his appearance in June!  Aaron and I are thrilled, but I think Chela (my mom) is more excited than anyone else to hold her first grandson!

God is so Good

It's hard to pray daily and wait for God to reveal His plan to you.  In the past year or so, I feel like I've waited A LOT.  I prayed for roughly a year for God to present a new opportunity for Aaron in his career.  He had a great job before, and his former boss is a great friend of ours, but Aaron needed a change.  When I asked what he really wanted to do, Aaron would say that it would be great if he could be a media director at a church.  So, I prayed.  And, we waited.  And waited.  And then, waited some more.  Finally, God opened a door.  Aaron was always convinced that the job of "media director" at a church, especially ours, would not be a possibility, and it would never compete with the salary he was earning.  We are home at our church, and the thought of leaving would be difficult, so I really didn't think it would be a job he would have either.  Then, our friend mentioned Aaron to our pastor, and how Aaron would be just the guy needed to handle all the IT issues at our church.  Aaron and our pastor met for lunch one day in June, and before we knew it, a job description was being written.  From start to finish, the process of writing the job description, and ultimately, Aaron starting a new job took about two months.  My husband, who watches other church services online to get ideas for fun (he was doing that long before starting his job as Media and IT Director), is happier now and more fulfilled in his job than I could have imagined.  God is so good.

In addition to praying wholeheartedly for God to provide a change and an opportunity for Aaron, I prayed for God to allow us to become parents.  I was ready long ago, and Aaron was becoming more and more ready each time he was around Claire.  She had developed so much personality, and he loves her.  He loves spending time with her, and playing with her, and every time we get to see her, Aaron says "I'm so excited to see Claire."  So I prayed and prayed and prayed.  And month after month, I experienced heartbreak, mixed with the peace of knowing that God has a plan.  In October, our prayers were being answered when Aaron and I found out we would be welcoming a baby into the world in June.  We are over the moon, and we feel so blessed.

God is so good, and the power of prayer is real.  Even if it means you wait for what seems like a lifetime for God to reveal His plan.

Longing, Fear, Impatience, Hope, Joy

April 29:

I started this post a while ago.  Like, in January.  I thought I saved it, but it has disappeared.  The title comes from my feelings.  It's the end of April now.  I don't quite feel all of these things now.  Let's go in order of the emotions listed in the title.

Longing - This one is HUGE, and I still very much have this emotion.  This one started probably in July 2011.  Claire had not yet been born, but I was itching for her to get here, and I was starting to itch for her to have a cousin.  Aaron was nowhere close to where I was in feeling ready to have children.  He was good with the way our life was already going.  We have a dog, a cat, and a house that always has a project.  What else could we want??  I could want a baby.  And I still do.  I can't wait for this one day.

Fear - The fear I've had has subsided some.  Mostly, the fear has been that my body will not work the way it is supposed to, or that this will be a long process with a lot of disappointment.  Some of that fear has gone away because my body seems to be working like normal - something I was so very unsure about!

Impatience - Impatience goes in waves for me.  I was impatient for March to arrive, because March meant that I would no longer be taking my pill.  I've been taking it for four years.  I started taking it because of a pituitary tumor that released too much of a hormone called prolactin.  The pill regulated the release of the prolactin.  Sometimes I'm impatient for the day I have a baby, but some days I feel peace in knowing that God has a perfect plan, and no amount of my impatience will change His plan.

Hope - Hope is my strongest emotion in all of this.  I constantly have hope - that my body works the right way, that one day I will have a baby, that all will be okay.  I think this one is surprisingly easy for me too.  I crave control in so many aspects of my life -  it might be to a little bit of an unhealthy degree that I crave the control.  However, in this, I know that I am out of control.  I can have hope, and I can pray, but ultimately, God has the control here.  I take rest in knowing that He knows what He is doing, and He knows what is best for Aaron and me.

May 20:

Another month has gone by... and nothing new.  I'll just keep praying, and hoping, and waiting.

June 17:

I'm not gonna lie.  I'm kind of getting tired of the waiting.  And, I think Aaron is too.  Which makes me really excited.  Today was Father's Day.  We went to lunch with my parents and Aaron's parents.  Adelina and Reed have been out of town, and they got back tonight.  My parents had Claire, so I had the joy of spending time with her too.  I fed her lunch, and Aaron told me that he thought I would make a great mom.  Joy.  And complete impatience.  Aaron gets more excited each time he sees Claire.  She has a great little personality, and he loves that about her.  More joy.  I. Can't. Wait.

July 31:

No change yet.  There is good news though.  I went to my endocrinologist on June 29.  I have my blood drawn once a year to test my prolactin levels.  With the pill, the prolactin levels were always normal, which was good.  However, I stopped my pill back in late February/early March, so I was really unsure about how the levels would look this year.  They were normal!! This is happy news.  Things are looking good!

October 29:

Pure Joy.  Eight days ago, Aaron and I found out we were going to have a baby!  My trip to the doctor is scheduled for November 8.  I praise God daily for this wonderful gift, and pray daily that when we go to the doctor, we will hear good news about Baby A.  I'm calling this baby Baby A.  Aaron is calling the baby Monster.  My name is better.